This past 2 week, I have been dealing with COVID to go along with all my "normal" chronic illness stuff. COVID itself has gone all right, but it has caused my heart rate issues and fatigue to increase. This past Sunday, I was feeling decent, so after breakfast, I went to take a shower. I got my hair shampooed and then had to sit on the bench in the shower. I sat there thinking that if I could just catch my breath, I could finish my shower. It became very clear, very quickly that wasn't an option for that day. I had to call my husband in to help me.
I sat there feeling helpless, humiliated, and embarrassed. My dear sweet husband is a gem and he did everything he could to make me feel better and help me finish my shower, but I was so embarrassed that I couldn't do it myself. It's hard to be a strong, independent woman when you can't take a shower by yourself. I was exhausted and done. No more energy.
Tuesday I woke up to a crazy, deep, dark mental spiral and it took hours to come out of it. I did a post over on TikTok about it.
What I want to focus on about all of that today is that despite how deep and dark I was feeling and how bad about myself I was feeling, God helped me pull through. He helped me put my mind on something in front of me (something tangible), which allowed me to pull the spiral of thoughts away from myself and onto something else. In that, I was able to recognize, "This isn't who I am." I am not this person anymore. There was a time I was, when depression took over and life was very difficult and medication was necessary, but where I am in my life now, that isn't it. Once I could see just how far down the spiral I had gone, I was able to put on some praise and worship music and start praying. Since then I've been in a much better headspace and have even been feeling a little better physically, though I did not expect that.
I say all of this to let you know that I've been there and could easily go there again tomorrow. It's a cycle for those of us with chronic illness. What I do know is that God is with me in both places - the deep dark down, and the good days as well. He proved it to me again this week.
I pray that you know that He is right there waiting to hold your hand through it all too.
LATEST BLOG POST
Learning to Love Myself
Through Chronic Illness
Loving yourself sounds nice in theory—like a cozy Pinterest quote—but when you’re living with chronic illness, it can feel impossible. How do you love a body that constantly challenges you? How do you show yourself kindness when frustration takes over?
This week, I’m sharing my real, unfiltered journey of learning to love myself—not in a cheesy, “just think positive” way, but in a way that actually feels doable. Because you deserve love from the person
who matters most: you.
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ENERGY SAVING TOOL OF THE WEEK:
Instant Cold Packs
How it helps:
Oh my goodness, y'all! These little instant ice packs have been a lifesaver for me during this bought of Covid! Just shake, crack, and shake again and you get 10-15 minutes of instant cold to relieve hot flashes, temperature, headache, swelling, whatever you need it for.
I am keeping one in my purse, one in the car, one in my backpack...well you get the idea...one everywhere!
SOMTIMES YOU JUST NEED A LAUGH:
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COMMUNITY SPOTLIGHT
A fellow Spoonie worth following
Meet Reese.
Meet Reese from Reese Without Her Spoons. Reese has endometriosis. Recently Reese wrote a letter to her younger self on Instagram that is worth the read. Check her out and give her a follow!
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"In terms of self love, I have learned to prioritize my needs and say 'no'."
— Lawrence O.
(blog post here)
